My good college friend Chuck recently sent me one of his genius mix tapes. Actually, now they're mix CDs, but they're still awesome. On this tape is a song by a weird little band called "Mountain Goats." Based on the song on this compilation, they sound like two guys with guitars, but I could be wrong about that. Anyway, the song is absolutely hilarious, and I thought y'all might enjoy the words. Imagine these lyrics sung in the most wild-eyed, border-line insane, sarcastic way possible, backed by two frantically strummed guitars, and you have the basic idea. Also, since I was confused on this point, apparently, Heaven 17 was some kind of synthesizer-based funk band of the 1980s.

Cubs in Five
By Mountain Goats

They're gonna find intelligent life up there on the moon
And the Canterbury Tales will shoot right up to the top of the best-seller list
And stay there, for 27 weeks.

And the Chicago Cubs will beat every team in the league
And the Tampa Bay Bucks will make it all the way to January
And I will love you again.
I will love you like I used to.

The stars are gonna spell out the answers to tomorrow's crossword puzzle
And the Phillips Corporation will admit that they made an awful mistake
And Bill Gates will single-handedly spearhead the Heaven 17 Revival.

And the Chicago Cubs will beat every team in the league
And the Tampa Bay Bucks will take it all the way to the top
And I will love you again
I will love you like I used to.

Chuck tells me he put this song on the CD because of the part about the Canterbury Tales shooting to the top of the best seller list. I know it will never happen, but it really would make me happy.